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Excerpts from a Secret Diaries |
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Thursday, 04 September 2008 |
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Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
6:00 PM - Oooh, Bath . Bummer.
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash
or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today
I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I
had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of
my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.
I am
convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The
dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems
to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating
with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move.
My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated
cell, so he is safe. For now...
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